No. I can't actually post the full text or context because it would breach Peepeth's policies. ROFL

It's that time of the year when my belt becomes so tight it cuts off all the blood to my legs and brain. More importantly, for a man, it cuts off the circulation to my favorite organ in the nethers. When that happens there's no reason to live.

It's time for Flangepocket to throw the hand grenade of truth into the bunkers of hypocrisy & complacency. Democracy is hiding in there as well. It's going to get the fragging it deserves. For being an imaginary concept not based in reality. The truth hurts, grenades hurt more.

HAPPY NEW YEAR : It's time for all of us to make some New Year Revolutions. Let's hope that this year there is far more blood in the streets. Instead of all over social media. We can do this. If we only have the strength to spew our hatred that much harder. ;)

I couldn't possibly comment. At least so my lawyer tells me.

Isn't the human liver a wonderful organ? It tastes delicious to. Only joking. Or am I?

As the old year dies, cold and alone in a water filled ditch, from exposure I'd guess, It's time to reflect. We must all remember not to forget and not forget to remember. What I'm really trying to say here is : WHERE THE F@@K! ARE MY KEYS?

I'm proud to say I've never deleted my browser history. That's because I don't know how to tbh. What I do instead, is whenever there is a danger someone will discover just how much hamster porn I watch, I stab them in the eyes with a sharp pair of scissors. The system works.

lol : It's like fruit has a language all of its own. Now I'm going to have to dig deeper. :)

This is my stepladder. I never knew my real ladder. He left when I was two. I can't help feeling that I'm to blame for him leaving. That's what my mother always told me anyway.

This is Euphonius Glitterball Grunt who, upon waking one morning, accidentally put his head on upside down. Since then he's never looked back, because he can't.

Pictured center: My mother, shortly before she was kicked out of the Waffen SS for excessive brutality.

Merry Christmas. Peace on earth and good will to all men. Except anyone who is different to me physically or has dangerously dissimilar opinions. They must all be killed for the good of me.

I can deny anything. Just ask the police or my lawyers. :)

Right now I'm more worried about the imaginary SWAT team and the VR helicopters hovering overhead. They are keeping me awake. I'd go out and complain but they don't even exist.

It's close. They're blueberries though. If they were simply called blues I'd have accepted them. I have ruled out blackberries and redcurrants as well. Partly because they could be construed as racist.

Why does orange get a fruit when none of the other colors do? I am not accepting tangerine. It's a small orange and it's orange.

(First of all ROFL) : No. You're thinking of another virtual reality.

My sides are aching with laughter. Brilliant.

I'm pretty sure I don't exist. I am indeed an NPC in a simulation. So the police banging on my door and all those restraining orders don't exist either.;)

I think they only invented it to round up the number of US states to 50. Think about it. What are the odds of there being exactly fifty states?

I've said it before so I'll say it again. This is all Descartes fault. Giving people the false idea they might exist. It's political correctness and health and safety gone mad.

That's not evidence. ;)
There I was, safely hiding inside my delusional bubble with my imaginary friends and you go and trigger them. Now they've locked themselves in the basement. I don't even have a basement.

It's just not credible. IMHO map makers and cartographers just got bored one day, because they'd run out of places to map. So they just started making stuff up. This looks suspiciously like Middle Earth to me. That's plagiarism in my book. Then they invented space.

Lol : I see what you mean. Can we even say we exist? Descartes was entirely wrong as we might only exist in a computer generated virtual reality. Which most probably exists inside another VR. I'm going to go out and punch an old lady. ;)

I'm not saying Australia doesn't exist. I'm just saying I need more evidence.

FAKE FACT : A hundred years ago today: Simile Sprattgadget discovered nasal hair.

In Fake News Today : Ryan Reynolds, and his accomplice, stealing two more orphans for his forthcoming revival of the musical Annie (Featuring Deadpool).

For the first time in his life George Rumpelstiltskin Hatstand I Ain't Fraid Of No Ghost Clooney finds himself standing next to someone who works for a living. That's why he looks so confused. How could this possibly happen, his bewildered brain cell asks?

Brad Pitt is upset because Angelina has gained custody of his My Little Ponies. Hence the safety helmet. Hopefully he'll be allowed weekend access to them as well as his collection of pink leotards. It's a Power Ranger thing.

Matt Damon becomes confused by fingers. Again.

Once a very attractive shop assistant winked at me but then I learned that when it's both eyes at the same time it's called blinking. There, you've possibly learned something entirely new. I know I haven't.

In the news today: A statue of Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi is removed from a university in Accra Ghana, because of his virulently racist opinions and writings. Who'd have thunk it? ROFL

No animals were harmed in the creation of this post. That all happened yesterday when I was drop kicking kittens out of my bedroom window. It's a joke. Obviously it's a joke. I used hamsters, I've run out of kittens. The local animal sanctuary was becoming suspicious.

Stupid mistakes I made:
Paying to watch Mary, Queen of Scots. I assumed it was historical rather than scifi/fantasy. Mary and Elizabeth never met. Mary spoke and wrote in French. She had a French accent, grew up in France and hated Scotland. I will never get my money back. WHY?

RULES
1) Rules are never applied equally.
2) Rules never have been applied equally.
3) Rules never will be applied equally.
4) Rules are intended to disadvantage some and advantage others.
5) All of human history has shown this to be true, but every new victim is surprised.

Dogs and cats only lick their intimate parts to create envy, the strongest substance known to man.

FAKE FACT OF THE DAY: The Pope is extremely flammable so no naked flames are allowed near him. Except on Christmas Day when he's sprayed with naturally occurring cake frosting so Catholics can stare at him without harming their eyes.

Only the good ones ;)

Ah marriage the first expensive step on the road to divorce. Why not simply carry all your money out into the middle of a field and burn it? You know that's what you're eventually going to do with most of you assets, so she won't get anything. Cut out the middleman.

I know. One extended killing spree and suddenly you're labeled. It's political correctness gone mad.

Why not stick some plastic toy cows in your back garden so you can pretend to be a wealthy cattle rancher?

When life gives you lemons, squirt lemon juice in its eyes. That'll learn it.

You can really brighten up a dark room with the strategic use of colorful scatter cushions which you then set on fire.

FAKE FACT OF THE DAY : There is no such thing as Belgium. It's an optical illusion caused by three bald men standing together in a field.

FAKE FACT OF THE DAY: Contrary to popular belief bacteria and viruses are not very small. They are merely a long way away, like equality.

I've just discovered I can follow myself on Peepeth. This scares me. I know me and there's no telling what I might get up to. There is every possibility I will end up cyber stalking myself.

FAKE FACT OF THE DAY: Elephants were originally a really lovely pale blue and 3 times their current size. Then someone forgot to read the care label and shoved them in a hot wash with a pair of black socks.

You already are. Never loose that.:)

I've just released my own fragrance. Which probably explains why the next door neighbors kids are crying.

To David Mitchel of Would I Lie To You fame : You've probably been asked this a hundred times but when are you going to do the decent thing and change your name to Mitchell Coren? The people deserve to know.