If I should die think only this of me: that all of that hamster porn in my browser history is not my responsibility. So please delete it for the sake of my family. Then microwave the hard drive and give it a decent Christian burial. It's what it would have wanted.

NUDE PICTURES OF JENNIFER LAWRENCE.
Yes indeed I was naked when I took this picture of JL. Contrary to what the police said this was not a home invasion. It was an innocent mistake your honor. The case for the defense rests.

The best thing about being a cynic is that you are very rarely wrong.
The worst thing about being a cynic is that you are very rarely wrong.